Love, Change and All Those Lovely Things
by firexkitsune
Summary: Draco Malfoy is disgusted with himself. he decides to change for the better, become a good person, for himself and for Harry. this is his journey of change, of love and other things. dracoxharry
1. A Dream

He covered his face with his hands, the blood flowing between his fingers, mixing with his tears.  
  
The tree was hard, and Draco's head collided with it many times, the bark stained from his labor.  
  
"Is it so wrong?" He muttered to himself, his eyes bloodshot, face stained from crying and bleeding. His usually slick blond hair hung around his ears, as befuddled as his emotions.  
  
He moans over and over, "Why? Am I truly so hated that he cannot even glance at me? Is my heart so cruel that it could not even forget my pride for the one I love?"  
  
A first-year Gryffindor walks by, pausing hear the tree where Malfoy lay bleeding. "Are you alright" The kind soul inquired.  
  
In the worst of moods, Malfoy snapped, "Ten points from Gryffindor," in his usual obnoxious way.  
  
"Well, as a hint, maybe people wouldn't hate you as much if you were nicer and more consider-" the boy retorted back.  
  
"Another TEN points from Gyffindor." Malfoy sneered, not even paying attention to who it was. Taking points from Gyffindor was natural to him.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"For talking back to authority," glare, "especially authority in a bad mood."  
  
The boy ran off to class, and hid from an increasingly annoyed Draco Malfoy, as well as the majority of the other students, leaving Malfoy where he had started, alone, and in major pain. He sighed heavily, even made some hurt, pathetic noises, trying to draw people to him, trying to redeem himself in his own eyes. Yet everyone was in class, and the hatred inside of him fed on his loneliness and discontent of himself. The pride that yes, Draco Malfoy could in fact survive on his own swelled, and he couldn't suppress it. Actually, he liked being feared and hated, in particular by his peers. So, being alone is only one of the "side effects", a minor thing, friends, that he had to give up to achieve greatness. Besides, all his friends were merely followers than anything else.  
  
"Why am I this way?" he sighed again, closing his eyes. "Why do I even bother caring, he hates me, I know it. He had no reason to even respect the egotistic bastard I am." As he drifted off, he imagined a new him, where he could lay the evils of his past into the trash and start with a blank parchment and quill. He dreamed of ways he could show power, but instead of intimidating and forcing people to listen, he would actually be brave, be the best and be even amicable. A smile crept up on his serene slumbering face. He liked this new image of him that popped up. Still, a tiny voice growing stronger reminded him that he was already the best, already strong and feared. And what was more important? Being an equal to your followers, or being in charge, keeping them in line?  
  
"No!" He moaned, "I'm not like that anymore!" Yet as he drifted deeper into a dreamless sleep, the last thing he remembered was being evil and liking it. He had abandoned the nice shell, the idealistic leader, and put on his old costume, demanding and arrogant. However he was the smartest, pureblood boy, so didn't he deserve it?  
  
?  
  
Harry thought hard throughout the uneventful Potions class. The usual, messing up his potion, Neville blowing something up, and Snape being a jerk. Somehow, he felt that the atmosphere was missing something. Scanning the room with eyes and ears, he noticed a general quietness that day. No jeering at him when his potion turned out sludge-like when it was supposed to be clear, no teasing of Neville. Malfoy.  
  
"Hey Ron, Malfoy isn't here." Harry whispered, stirring his second batch of Cleansing Potion absentmindedly.  
  
"Why do you care?" Ron shrugged, "He's a jerk. Aren't you glad he isn't here to-"  
The door of the classroom swung open and hit the other wall with a hollow smack. A very tussled and riled Draco stormed into the room announcing, "I'm late Professor Snape."  
  
"Well look who's back from hell." Ron muttered.  
  
Snape ignored him, and continued lecturing Neville.  
  
"Stop!" Malfoy growled. "I'm late."  
  
Snape stopped in his tracks and turned slowly around. "You said that already."  
  
"Well aren't you going to punish me?"  
  
No response.  
  
"Whoa, Malfoy had a total Brain Flip with someone." Hermione joined Ron and Harry.  
  
"What's that?" Ron whispered back.  
  
"Nevermind." Hermioned hissed. "Watch them."  
  
"Look." Snap started, then noticing the staring eyes, snapped, "Back to work! We're having a five page essay on the ingredients and their importance due tomorrow!"  
  
"Just tell me." Malfoy glared at Snape.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You know." He glanced around the room. Everyone resumed working hurriedly, pretending to ignore the tense conversation between Snape and Malfoy.  
  
"Look, not here." Snape sighed. "Why now you ask? You'll find out in time."  
  
The rest of the period went normally.  
  
"That was strange." Hermione pointed out to Harry and Ron as they joined the crowd for lunch.  
  
"Yeah. He seemed really mess up. Did he get beat up? I mean, did you get a load of his robes?" Ron nodded.  
  
While Ron and Hermione discussed, Harry delved deep into his brain again. True. Malfoy acted stranger than ever, yet there seemed to be no reason.  
  
"Well what do you think Harry?" Hermione asked casually, as if they were contemplating on simply what to eat.  
  
"Oh, I dunno." Harry stammered.  
  
"Come on. You have to think something." Ron rolled his eyes. "You've had more, er, experience with him than us."  
  
"Yeah." Hermioned added. "Hey, didn't he ask to speak to you alone before Potions today?"  
  
"Yeah!" Ron turned on Harry, wide-eyed.  
  
"Well, what did he want?" 


	2. A Meeting

Disclaimer: The usual.  
  
"Potter." Malfoy had grunted, the hatred ground between his teeth, the acid in his spit, the evil in his eyes. Well at least that's how he thought Harry saw him. "Before Potions, by the tree- you better be there, and alone."  
  
Harry stood there a few seconds after Malfoy sauntered off. "You think I should go?" He asked his friends.  
  
Hermione hesitated, "Well- He really can't do much to you, I mean, we are in out last year here and-"  
  
"Oh shush!" Ron cut her off. "Of course not! We'll follow you and make sure he won't do any Dark Magic on you!"  
  
"Well-" Harry shrugged. "He might have something important to say."\  
  
"Whatever." Ron didn't really care. Harry the Quidditch Champion, the only to ever withstand the Dark Lord's attack, well, we all know what he did, could defend himself.  
  
?  
  
"Potter." Malfoy glanced up, leaning against the tree. Gone was the arrogance and animosity in his voice, his features. Harry stepped close, unsure, always alert, a little more trusting. The two very different boys stared at each other, neither one speaking.  
  
Finally Harry croaked, "Malfoy, why'd you call me here?"  
  
Malfoy closed his eyes and sighed for what seemed to be eternity, taking his time, waiting for the right moment. The silence was awkward, but neither of them minded. When Malfoy eventually opened his eyes, Harry saw a shred of kindness and goodness in the usually cold and haughty stare.  
  
"I'm sorry it had to be like this, Harry." Malfoy whispered intently, his blue gaze locked onto Harry's green one.  
  
Looking away, eyes diverting to the ground, Harry didn't know how to respond. Malfoy waited, almost eagerly, anticipating a response from Harry.  
  
"What other way was there?" Harry finally replied. "Good-bye Malfoy, I have to get to class."  
  
Slowly, as if in pain, Harry turned towards the castle. Each step seemed to break a piece off Malfoy's new found heart, as he was left there, standing alone, to dwell in his own mishaps and mistakes, to dream about what it could have been, what the future might be. Harry paused many times in his journey back, almost turning back, but deciding not to at the last minute.  
  
"What was that all about?" Harry mumbled to himself during Potions. Malfoy certainly acted weird, even decent towards his arch nemesis, Harry. Despite how Malfoy seemed to exist just to argue against Harry, he didn't seem all too bad. In fact, Harry really didn't hate him. It was more like he pitied Malfoy, how he held himself in a cowardly manner. Still, he was far more intelligent, and perhaps an equal or better than Harry at spells.  
  
"What did Malfoy want?" Ron nudged Harry.  
  
Pretending to not have heard, Harry himself thought about that question. What did Malfoy want? Harry was sure he probably didn't let him explain, but he shook his head. They had to be enemies, there was no other way, no other path they could have taken.  
  
So what do you people think??? Kinda strange? If you're confused, good. That's the whole point, the feel the same confusion that our characters are feeling, to know more than them, but not understand it any more than them. There's so much more hidden though, so- read next time! R&R please! 


	3. A Failure

Ah it's been a while. Disclaimer: I don't own squat.  
  
In shock, Draco Malfoy knew no other way to curb the excruciating pain he felt inside, other than to cause more pain. The tree bloody, his head bashed, and he felt rather calm, the warm blood maneuvering freely down his wretched face. Harry couldn't even bear to make eye contact with him; he couldn't even bear to look into his horrible eyes. Malfoy shook his head. If only Harry had chosen him over Ron that first fateful day. Stupid. They could have ruled, dominated together, his brains, Harry's so-called courage. "Humph." Malfoy snorted. "I can do it on my own." If so, than why is my heart beating so fast, why is my vision fuzzy, my head dizzy? He shook himself. Snap out of it!  
  
"That had to be the only reason I wanted him-" Malfoy tried to reassure himself. "I mean, like Harry said, what other reason can it be?" He cried a little despite his conceitedness, feeling sorry for the pathetic state he put himself in. his dislike for himself seemed even greater than his "hatred" for Harry. Tired, and emotionally worn out, Malfoy resolved to change. He swore that before he left Hogwarts, he would be a great wizard by his own, using his powers for a cause he thought worthy.  
  
Later, while his classmates toiled in Potions, Malfoy awoke and stretched. His dream bothered him. It seemed to conclude that no matter what, he would always turn to the Dark side. "I won't be Voldemort's follower!" He told himself fervently. "I will be my own man, not coddled, not abiding to the fate that is almost definitely mine." Stomping angrily towards class, he figured Snape would be furious. He almost grinned at the prospect of being punished, something he truly deserved. Entering the classroom, he remembered something interesting that would help him in this quest to be great.  
  
****  
  
Severus Snape wrung his sweaty hands worriedly. He never thought that Draco Malfoy would crack beneath that cold, haughty demeanor. Oh, this was bad, happening in his 7th and last year.  
  
"If he keeps on acting strange and defying our way of life, I call on Lucius." Snape muttered, pacing across his office, dreading the meeting with Malfoy.  
  
"Snape." Malfoy stood in the open doorway, his chin up, voice commanding.  
  
Snape glanced over to him and timidly shuffled over. "Yes Malfoy?"  
  
"Tell me now." Malfoy narrowed his eyes, getting right to the point.  
  
"My boy, don't you think you're making the wrong decision?" Snape avoided him and stalled for time. "Why don't you reconsider?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Look how wonderful your life is!" Snape gasped, trying to convince him. "What makes you think that if you change you'll be accepted and loved? The high society of honorable wizards will shun you, you'll never be great that way. Oh sure, maybe some pathetic Mudbloods might grovel at your feet, but does that give you satisfaction?"  
  
No response. Malfoy simply stared straight at the wall, his chin slightly quivering. Snape smiled, his words had their effect.  
  
"Wouldn't you rather associate with the top wizards Malfoy? I can't imagine you with a bunch of Mudbloods. You father would be so ashamed-"  
  
"I don't give a bloody hell about him." Malfoy shot Snape a nasty look. "My future, my life is in my hands. I have the power to do whatever I want!"  
  
"My dear boy, what makes you so powerful? Surely not your own doing." Snape grinned smugly. "Let me tell you this, Malfoy, you go right bask on the right train tracks, or you'll be run over by the incoming train. You are only so smart and powerful, because we molded you that way. We can always change that. Don't let us down."  
  
"You still haven't told me yet."  
  
"I'm giving you another chance. Forget your silly notions and take the path through this jungle that has already been cleared for you. Don't go off into the unknown." Snape glanced at the unresponsive Malfoy. "Just compare the two lives."  
  
"I'll be back." Malfoy sauntered out of the room, his robes hitting Snape on the way out.  
  
Snape shook his head. "I'll regret this. Malfoy, I'll give you two more days, then I'm calling Lucius."  
  
****  
  
Malfoy stomped down the corridors, bumping and brushing against everyone, never apologizing. Harry stood at the end, laughing with Ron and Hermione. Noticing them, Malfoy grasped the wall fro support. Their happiness caught him off guard. He strived in life to be powerful, he had friends to use and manipulate. Never had he experienced simple joy or fun, with out the constant pressure of competing, coming our ahead. He clutched his heart, yearning to join them in their bubbling laughter, to stroll through the grounds without a worry, to have people stare at him in awe, not disgust or fear. As Harry and them flew past, he held his breath, hoping maybe he'd turn and notice. Yet they walked straight past him, enjoying their lives.  
  
"Have I gone through nearly 18 years, never actually living to fulfillment?" He pushed himself off the wall. "I'm worthless. All I can contribute to this world is destruction, nothing that wouldn't hurt or harm. There's still time isn't there?" He walked off, away from the hustle and rush of school. They'll never miss a jerk like me, he thought.  
  
Next time: A New Found Friendship 


End file.
